Bricks of Belonging: Fostering Friendships and Combating Isolation in Children

Introduction: Why Friendship Matters

Have you ever noticed how a child’s day can be transformed just by having a friend to sit with at lunch, or someone to share a joke with? Friendship is more than playmates or shared activities — it’s the sense of being seen, accepted, and valued.

For children with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND), friendships can feel harder to build and sustain, yet they are no less vital.

Research consistently shows that having even one close, authentic friendship — where a child can feel their “true self” — is linked to better mental health, greater resilience, and lower levels of loneliness (Bagwell & Bukowski, 2018). For neurodiverse children, these connections can reduce isolation and provide a protective factor against anxiety and depression.

🗝️ “Friendship quality matters more than quantity — one genuine connection can change everything.”

Friendship Across Developmental Stages

The meaning of friendship isn’t static; it changes as children grow.

• Early Childhood (ages 3–6): Friendships are often based on proximity and shared play (“we are friends because we play with blocks together”). Skills like turn-taking, sharing, and joint attention are central at this stage.

• Primary Years (ages 7–11): Friendships become more stable, built around trust, shared rules, and cooperative play. Children begin to value loyalty and fairness.

• Adolescence (12+): Friendships become more emotionally significant. Acceptance, empathy, and exploring identity take centre stage, with peers forming a crucial support network.

  
  

For children with SEND, these developmental shifts may be delayed or more complex — making structured opportunities to learn and practise friendship skills essential.

The Role of Play and Group-Based Interventions

Play has always been a natural environment for children to establish connections. Recently, structured interventions like LEGO®-based Therapy have gained popularity for encouraging social interaction. In these sessions, children take on roles (e.g., engineer, supplier, builder) and collaborate to construct a model.

Research highlights that LEGO®-based Therapy and similar structured play groups:

• Increase social interaction (Kasari et al., 2016)

• Reduce feelings of isolation (Andras, 2012)

• Provide a safe, motivating environment for practising social communication (LeGoff & Sherman, 2006)

  
  

However, newer adaptations recognise that roles may vary (not always the classic trio) and group sizes can be larger in school or community settings. Flexibility is essential, but the core remains: children learn through guided, shared play.

Beyond Playing Together: The Facilitator’s Role

It’s essential to recognise that playing in a group does not automatically teach friendship skills. While it reduces loneliness and provides opportunities for socialisation, children may need explicit instruction to develop the fundamental skills of friendship, such as:

• Greeting others and joining in appropriately

• Giving and receiving compliments

• Managing conflict and repairing relationships

• Recognising emotions in themselves and others

• Negotiating shared rules

  
  

Here, the facilitator’s role is crucial. Therapists, teachers, or group leaders act as coaches: modelling, prompting, and scaffolding interactions.

Practical Ways to Teach Friendship Skills

Here are strategies that schools, therapists, and parents can weave into sessions:

1. Role-Play Scenarios – e.g., practising how to ask, “Can I join in?”

2. Emotion Cards – helping children recognise how their friend might feel in a situation.

3. Compliment Circle – each child gives a kind comment to another, practising both giving and receiving.

4. Problem-Solving Scripts – guiding children through steps when disagreements happen (“I feel… I need… Can we…?”).

5. Friendship Games – structured activities where skills are embedded.

Example Friendship Game: “Sharing Towers”

• Materials: LEGO® or building blocks.

• How it works: Each child receives a small pile of bricks. They are told the aim is to build one large tower together, but the only way to add a brick is first to say something positive to another group member (e.g., “I like how you…”, “Thanks for helping me…”).

• Skills Practised: Turn-taking, giving compliments, and cooperation.

  
  

Friendship Quality and Generalisation

While research shows that group interventions increase peer interaction during sessions, some studies caution that skills may not automatically generalise to wider school or community settings (O’Hare et al., 2017).

This highlights the importance of:

• Linking group learning back into everyday life (teachers encouraging children to use skills in class or playground).

• Involving parents so they can prompt and reinforce skills at home.

• Creating inclusive school climates where acceptance and diversity are modelled and celebrated.

  
  

The Bigger Picture: Belonging and School Climate

Friendship is not just about dyads — the broader culture shapes it. Schools and organisations that emphasise kindness, peer mentoring, and inclusive values foster an environment where friendships can flourish.

🗝️ “Inclusion isn’t just being in the same classroom — it’s being in relationships where you truly belong.”

Key features of Healthy Friendship

In child development, psychology, and education, a healthy friendship is generally described as a relationship that supports a child or young person’s social, emotional, and cognitive growth, rather than undermining it.

Here are the core elements, drawing on developmental psychology and social skills research:

🧩 Key Features of a Healthy Friendship

• Reciprocity

  • Both children give and take. It’s not one-sided.

  • Each child feels valued and listened to.

• Trust & Safety

  • Friends can share feelings or secrets without fear of betrayal.

  • The relationship provides a “safe base” where they can be their true selves.

• Support & Encouragement

  • Friends celebrate each other’s successes.

  • They offer comfort when things go wrong (not mockery or exclusion).

• Respect & Boundaries

  • Healthy friends respect each other’s limits, interests, and choices.

  • They don’t pressure each other into unsafe or uncomfortable behaviour.

• Positive Conflict Resolution

  • Disagreements happen, but healthy friends can apologise, forgive, and repair.

  • Conflict doesn’t end the friendship — it becomes a chance to learn resilience.

• Shared Enjoyment

  • Time together is fun, meaningful, and mutually chosen.

  • Friendship brings joy, laughter, and a sense of belonging.

  
  

🌱 Developmental Perspective

• Early childhood (3–7 years): Friendships are based on play and shared activities (“we both like Lego”).

• Middle childhood (8–11 years): They become more about loyalty, fairness, and shared rules.

• Adolescence (12+): Friendships deepen into emotional intimacy, self-disclosure, and identity support.

  
  

At each stage, what counts as “healthy” shifts — but the heart of it remains the same: mutual care, respect, and a sense of belonging.

🗝️ Why it matters

Research shows that having at least one healthy friendship is protective for mental health:

• It reduces loneliness and feelings of isolation.

• It helps children practise empathy and perspective-taking.

• It provides a buffer against bullying and stress.

• It supports self-esteem and identity development.

  
  

In other words, healthy friendships are not optional extras — they are core to emotional wellbeing.

Conclusion: Building More Than Towers

Friendship skills should not be left to chance. While structured play groups like LEGO®-based Therapy provide valuable opportunities, it is active teaching, modelling, and facilitation of these skills that help children progress from social contact to meaningful connection.

When we create opportunities for children with SEND to practise being a friend and having a friend, we are not only reducing isolation — we are laying foundations for lifelong wellbeing.

Further Reading & References

• Bagwell, C. L., & Bukowski, W. M. (2018). Friendship in childhood and adolescence: Features, effects, and processes. Social Development, 27(3), 451–466.

• Kasari, C., Locke, J., Gulsrud, A., & Rotheram-Fuller, E. (2016). Social networks and friendships at school: Comparing children with and without ASD. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 41(5).

• LeGoff, D. B., & Sherman, M. (2006). Long-term outcome of social skills intervention based on interactive LEGO® play. Autism, 10(4), 317–329.

• O’Hare, A., Bremner, L., Nash, M., & Happé, F. (2017). LEGO® therapy and the social use of language programme: An evaluation of two social communication interventions. Research in Autism Spectrum Disorders, 35, 11–23.

• Andras, M. (2012). LEGO® therapy in practice. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.